brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
