But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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