so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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