as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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