She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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