Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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