I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
