He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
