Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
