You're so nebulous sometimes
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
