Are we in a gay sports bar?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i out mim tonsoeep
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