The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
