I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
