I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
