After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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