So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
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