Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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