i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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