hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
