Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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