I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
