I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
