I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
