I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize