i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
