You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
