Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize