Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
