I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
