he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize