we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
