ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
