Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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