Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
