I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
