Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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