YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize