I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
