Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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