Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
