her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
