I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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