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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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