We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
