he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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