so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
