Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
