I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
