I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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