If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
