We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
