Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize