he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's official drugs can't kill me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
