Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
