Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
