Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
