Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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