just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
