Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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