I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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