How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
