I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i now understand why vodka
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
