Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
did you just send me my own nude
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
