You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
