id be glad to
North Korea, Best Korea!
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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