I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
