Can Purell be used as lube?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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