I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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